The Killing Joke

by Ric Snead

Once there was a kingdom as peaceful and happy as could be. Their king was kind and just, and only collected such taxes as were needed to maintain the roads and bridges, with a little left over to help the poor. The people worked hard, but they laughed and sang, told jokes and made merry on every occasion.

Then one day, the Good King died, and his son took the throne. The new king was a humorless, miserly brute who cared nothing for the people~he loved only gold. He taxed the people into starvation, then took their farms and houses when they could pay no more.

The Master of the Jester's Guild hit on a solution. He conscripted all the joke writers in the kingdom and set them to a task: to write a joke that was so funny that whoever heard it would die laughing. This proved difficult~while some epically funny jokes were written that season, no one actually died laughing. 

Then one night, the gag writer of all gag writers, universally acknowledged as the funniest man in the kingdom wrote a joke that was so devastatingly funny that, no sooner had he written it down, than he died laughing. Next morning, when his wife found his body, she burst into tears. Then, upon reading the joke, she promptly fell down and died laughing.

The Master Jester was sent for. When he saw the bodies, and the parchment on the table, he realized the old gag writer had been successful. He had written the Killing Joke~weaponized humor had come to the land. He took all precautions: first the parchment was cut in half. The setup was given to one messenger, the punchline to another. They were sent to the king, equipped with wax earplugs so neither would hear the other's part when it came time to tell the joke to him. It was truly ironic~the surliest, most humorless bastard in all the kingdom was to die laughing.

In due course, they made their way to Court, and were admitted to the Royal Presence. Ears safely plugged, the messengers duly recited their parts. And the king's courtiers and councillors, everyone with earshot, commenced falling to the floor, and laughed themselves to death.

The bewildered messengers faced a puzzled king, who shrugged and said only, "I don't get it."